Nursing Journey & Essentials
I’ve always wanted to be able to breastfeed my babies. Even before I found out I was pregnant I would pray that I’d be able to breastfeed. It seemed like such a magical bonding experience that I couldn’t wait to embark on.
But I was plagued with doubts — I had breast surgery (and not the cosmetic kind — I wish! LOL) in the summer of 2016. After micro-calcifications were found during my very first mammogram (friendly reminder to do your self exams! go get a mammogram! talk to your GYN about family history!), I had a unsuccessful biopsy then breast surgery to remove and test them. The surgery was successful and the calcifications were benign but due to the location of them, I had some scar tissue that could have impeded my ability to breastfeed/could have led to issues with clogged milk ducts, etc.
When Luca was born, my midwife handed him to me and I placed him right on my chest. He wanted to nurse right away. I asked one of the nurses if I could feed him which is so funny to me now. “Excuse me, can I feed my own baby?” Hilarious. When she smiled softly at me and said “yes, you should,” I did what came naturally and by some miracle it worked! He was nursing! I was so relieved and thankful.
We hit a little hiccup when we were transferred to our recovery room. I had diet-controlled gestational diabetes (more to come in another post) while I was pregnant with him, so the nurses had to check Luca’s sugar levels pretty regularly and they weren’t at the numbers they should have been. Our nurse recommended to keep nursing but also to supplement with formula. I want to be clear that I have no issues with formula feeding — fed is best! But I was disappointed that my body wasn’t providing what Luca needed. The nurse assured me the formula feeding only needed to last until his sugar levels rose and then we could switch to just breastfeeding if I wanted to.
After that initial bump, our nursing relationship flourished. Through sore nipples (nobody talks about this!), cluster feedings, growth spurts, teething, middle of the night wakings, we spent so much time just the two of us. I don’t want romanticize the experience, it was hard — the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Those cluster feedings and growth spurts and middle of night wakings were draining and really freaking HARD. In the beginning I felt like I was always feeding him. I questioned my milk supply and my sanity CONSTANTLY but hard as they were, those days passed. As a mother, I’m often plagued by self-doubt. Am I doing this right? Is this the best decision? But feeding shouldn’t be one of those things you doubt. You know your baby and your body. This stands true whether you breast or formula feed or a combination of the two.
I was planning to return to work when Luca was a little over 3 months old. We had developed a great nursing relationship and a really good feeding schedule and I was terrified of ruining it. In preparation of my return to work, we introduced a bottle when he was 2 months old so that he could get used to feeding from one. Everything I read (kellymom was a great resource during this time) recommended someone besides mom do the bottle feeding and for mom to not be in the room during the feeding. So Ry fed Luca his first bottle (we used Comotomo bottles) and I hid in the bedroom. And it worked — he fed from the bottle no problem! My mother-in-law came down from Philly to live with us and care for Luca while we were at work and I’ll honestly never be able to repay or feel like I’ve adequately thanked her for the incredible gift she gave us by doing that.
Pumping was a whole other story. I finally felt like I had nursing down but pumping was so different. The scheduling and time commitment that comes with it is truly unimaginable. There’s also quite the learning curve, I ended up pumping myself into an oversupply in the beginning. I used the Spectra pump and it was comfortable and very quiet but it’s still a pump. When we made the decision that I was going to stay home with Luca, one of the things I was most excited about was not having to pump again. Exclusive-pumping mamas — you have my respect and adoration and awe.
I have fourteen beautiful months of memories of Luca in my arms. I can still feel him there at every stage and I can see his big brown eyes looking up at me. On Christmas Eve, Luca nursed for the last time. I felt “the last time” coming for awhile and I knew that I wanted him to self-wean if possible. This way it would be like a mutual understanding between the both of us. And that’s the way it turned out. My body was finished producing milk and he was finished needing those nutrients. He cut down to only his morning nursing session shortly after his first birthday and when we woke up on Christmas, we were so excited about gifts that I didn’t offer and he didn’t ask. Looking back on it now, I’m glad it happened that way. If I had offered and he said no I don’t know how I would have taken it. I’m so very grateful for the experience we had and the way it ended and I’m happy to have my body to myself for a bit.
My Nursing Essentials
- A good nursing bra for the beginning. This is a 3 pack of very comfortable and soft bras with easy-to-open front clips. If I wore a bra in the first few months (after the first few months I was more comfortable without a bra but when nursing is new and your breasts are heavy — you want the support of a bra), these are what I wore.
I also purchased a nursing sports bra that was super comfortable and full coverage as well.
This was the bra I wore under tighter-fitting clothes. - Nursing Tanks. These are great for those early days when you don’t want to put on real clothes. They’re super soft, have the nursing clasps for easy access and are snug fitting which is perfect for your still swollen belly.
- Reusable Nursing Pads. Leaking is a very real thing that I had no idea about. A baby cries near you? You’re late for a designated feed or pump time? Your baby does something extra adorable? You’re going to leak. I always wore these pads and brought extras with me where ever I went. They’re reusable and come with a specially designed bag for washing so you just put them in the bag and throw them in the washer/dryer with your clothes and voila they’re clean!
- Earth Mama Organic Nipple Butter. Nursing can be very painful in the beginning. It’s not something your body is used to and with this comes some soreness (like cringe every time they latch, hold back tears because your nipples are so dang sore soreness). This butter is super soothing and has organic and clean ingredients that you don’t have to wash off before baby feeds.
I’m also a big fan of coconut oil for this purpose as well. I mentioned in my How I Blonde post that I use it for everything. I really meant everything 🙂 - The Haakaa Manual Breast Pump. I only used the Haakaa as a pump a few times. I mostly used it to catch my let-down on the side Luca wasn’t eating on instead of wasting the milk. The “let-down” was a foreign concept to me. I did a lot of birth research but figured I would mostly wing it for breastfeeding. All of my research came after Luca was born. But in my research it was recommended to catch the letdown to help build a small stash for date night, return to work, etc. I had been using a towel to catch the milk but the Haakaa was a much better option.
- A tracking app. Baby Tracker was what I used and I still use it to track Luca’s sleep. It’s easy to use and you can customize the home screen to only include the actions you want. The nursing feature has left v right start and a timer. You can also set alarms within the app for nursing, diaper changes, naps, etc.
If you’re planning on nursing, just starting, in the thick of it or at the end or, I want to tell you that I’m with you mama. Every stage of this journey is beautiful and hard and nothing can prepare you for the feelings that come along with feeding your baby.
